Castillian Conundrum

Milady the Loyal,

My brother and I are proud knights of Castile and servants of Her Majesty Isabella of Spain. Our family is an integral and storied part of Spain’s triumphant history of superiority and Christian conquest in the name of Our Lord. We were raised to the Church and the Sword, not necessarily in that order, like our noble father before us.

We have favored your clement city as emissaries of both Church and State. We desire to evaluate the faith and ferocity of your sons, that we might share a common battlefield with them someday. We admire the beauty and purity of your daughters (especially Lord Lollybush’s beauteous youngest) and would be honored if someday our families might broker a marriage treaty among us.

I have to admit that we are perplexed at the reception we are receiving, especially from the city magistrates. There seems to be an underlying contempt toward the sons of Spain, and an assumption that we are predisposed to carousing and thuggery. I assure you, fair Lady Luaithrend, that nothing could be further than the truth! I will admit that we are quick to draw our swords and defend the honor of our Lord, our country, our brethren, the fairest of ladies, our fine horses, and even our dogs… well, I’m sure you comprehend the vast array of chivalrous causes we are compelled to uphold! Still, we endeavor to knightly virtue in all our affairs.

There’s lately been rumor of the construction of a stout wall to the south of the city, not unlike the great wall of Hadrian, to deter unwanted foreign influences such as ourselves. This is a harsh and warranted judgment, as we have ever desired only to serve our Lord and our Queen.

How may we sway the good opinion of the people in our favor? What can we do to redeem the honor of the faithful knights of Spain in the eyes of the city magistrates? And how might we persuade Lord Lollybush to receive us?

Sons of Spain


Dear Spaniards,

I fear that none of my advice will be pleasing to you.  You presume to tread where you may not be welcome, and the hostility with which you find yourself presented comes with good cause.  We have had quite the rash of Spanish rogues in years past causing great troubles in our Kingdom.  Why, the ambassador from the Spanish Court, Senhor Miguel Alvares de Sevilla, devilishly handsome and charming though he may be, did press Her Grace Mary Grace none-too-gently regarding “Spanish Rights” during her reign.  Her Majesty was forced to contract with that English Pirate Master Andrew Williams in order to defend our lands!  I  should think that the cause for the cool reception you have received should be quite obvious indeed.

Though our Lord Baron is loathe to go so far as to construct a wall to keep undesirables out, He has made mention of certain other measures by which upstart foreigners might be kept in their place. Madrone is possessed of many buildings of great height, and, as such, defenestration may become de rigueur if certain nobles are not careful with their footsteps.

If you truly wish to curry the favor of Lord Lollybush, I would recommend you to the nearest sweet shop. The Lord enjoys candied fruits beyond measure, and I am certain that you will find that his daughter is not without a sweet tooth herself.  As for the rest of the good people of this City, good works and fine gift are always welcome.  Small baubles fashioned of Pewter are prized by a certain Cheese Proprietress with whom I am acquainted.  Gold is even better.  I suggest that you deposit any items of value that you currently have on your person or in your possession with the constable, that he might redistribute this wealth among the deserving peoples of our city.  I caution you, though, to make certain that you designate a particularly choice piece specifically for him, so that he will proclaim your name that all may know your magnanimous nature.  Many a sin has been swept away by the honeyed taste of sweet cakes!

~~Loyally, Luaithrend