Dear Traitorously Phillip and Loyally Luaithrend,
I find myself in a bit of a conundrum. I would like both of your advice in the matter. The King’s court has called a function rapidly approaching and I find myself wondering how best to accessorize for the festival. This event is known to be attended by several less than savory characters and I do not wish to find myself without a trusty means of defending those I am sworn to. I know the sword is considered very versatile and goes with any armor, but I find myself drawn to the ax. What do you consider appropriate for the occasion? Is there such a thing as too well prepared?
I have no idea what that milquetoast Loyally Luaithrend might advise, probably something about the importance of settling disputes with diplomacy rather than daggers (or axes as the case may be).
I, for one, see three real options. First, don’t defend those you’re sworn to at all. This seems like a perfect opportunity to make some easy coin. If that isn’t an option, might I recommend a more preemptive course of action? You know how the old saying goes, an axe in the night is worth three in the light! Get rid of those unsavory characters before the function even begins. Thirdly, if your enemies can’t be neatly dispatched ahead of time, choose an axe for the event that says you mean business. Nothing too subtle. I myself am a bit of an axe man, and you can’t go wrong with a good poleaxe. It lets those around you know, you may be traitorous, but you’re not to be treasoned with.